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date: 2017-03-30 
time: 21:09:18
time: 21:09:18you're not single, because of the size of your breasts, nose, or waist. you're not single, because you're ugly or boring or dumb. you're not single, because you're damaged, broken, or unlovable.
those nasty things you say to yourself when you look into the mirror or at a photograph aren't true. your supposed 'flaws' aren't the reason why you have a hard time finding a boyfriend.
you're single, because you refuse to accept compliments. you refuse to believe that anyone could find you attractive. the idea of someone falling asleep while thinking about your smile is foreign to you. you can't even imagine it happening.
whenever a boy stares at you, you wonder if there's something in your teeth, if your makeup is smudged, if he's judging you over the outfit you're wearing.
and when a boy texts you, when he gives you extra special attention, you assume that he's just being friendly. or that he likes one of your friends. or that he just wants sex.
you always think that there's a catch, because you sell yourself short. you assume that everyone sees you the way you see yourself, which is far from the truth.
others see you more clearly. they see how bright your eyes shine when you laugh. they see how sexy your body moves when you walk. they see how pretty you look when you talk about the things that you love.
someone out there is dying to date you. you just don't realize it, because you're blinded by your insecurities.
you have to understand that the saying about how you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you is complete bullshit. people already love you. they'll continue to love you, no matter how many hours you spend wishing you were someone else.
the truth is, you won't be able to fully accept another person's love until you love yourself.
if you keep hating yourself, you'll always wonder why a boy would want you - you'll doubt his feelings for you because you can't wrap your head around them.
you’ll get into fights with him when he says you look beautiful because you’ll think he’s lying. you’ll convince yourself that he’s going to cheat because why would he choose you over a prettier girl?
if you hate yourself, then you’ll push and push until he’s forced to leave.
that’s why you have to believe in your beauty. learn to love at least a few pieces of yourself, so when the right boy comes along, you don’t let him slip from your grasp.
keep telling yourself that you deserve love. you deserve respect. you deserve to find someone that genuinly believes you’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen.
and when he gives you that compliment, when he tells you there’s no one in the world that compares to you, accept it. believe it.
never let your insecurities convince you that you’re unlovable, because you are a masterpiece.deep thoughts and unpopular opinions /
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1240
date: 2014-09-27 time: 12:40:45
time: 12:40:45HARRY IS SO CUTE HE’S SO SO SO SO SO SO CUTE LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM HIS PERSONALITY IS CUTE HIS HAIR IS CUTE HIS NOSE IS CUTE HIS FACE IS CUTE HIS JOKES ARE CUTE HIS STORIES ARE CUTE HIS OUTFITS ARE CUTE HIS BODY IS CUTE HIS HIPS ARE CUTE HIS LEGS ARE CUTE HIS EYES ARE CUTE HIS SMILE IS CUTE HIS LIPS ARE CUTE LITERALLY EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS CUTE HE IS LITERALLY THE CUTEST THING ON EARTH
deep thoughts and unpopular opinions /
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0921
date: 2014-08-05 time: 09:21:05
time: 09:21:05you can only cower behind a shield for so long before it becomes a mask. you can only cower behind a mask for so long before it becomes you. find a new shield. how long have you been doing this? how many layers of obsolete identities cover your heart? how many layers of bark cover the acorn a tree once was?
how long have you been you?
deep thoughts and unpopular opinions /
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four temperaments test result
date: 2014-06-27 time: 13:24:19
time: 13:24:19Your temperament is melancholic. The melancholic temperament is fundamentally introverted and thoughtful. Melancholic people often were perceived as very (or overly) pondering and considerate, getting rather worried when they could not be on time for events. Melancholics can be highly creative in activities such as poetry and art - and can become preoccupied with the tragedy and cruelty in the world. Often they are perfectionists. They are self-reliant and independent; one negative part of being a melancholic is that they can get so involved in what they are doing they forget to think of others.
deep thoughts and unpopular opinions /
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so i did one of those political compass tests
My natal chart, for future reference
date: 2014-06-27 time: 01:24:40
time: 01:24:40This birth chart report shows the positions of the planets for Alexandra Karlsson.
The Sun represents vitality, a sense of individuality and outward-shining creative energy.
Sun in Aries
Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, and Aries natives are the first to start - and the first to finish - whatever they set out to do. Aries is an active, energetic sign. People with Sun in Aries are direct, straightforward, and uncomplicated. They expect the same from others, and are baffled when they don't always get it.
The body comes first with Aries. Sun in Aries people are natural athletes. At the very least, their natural inclination is to use their bodies to get things done. They're not given to long, drawn-out emotional moments; nor are they big on planning ahead. Instead, they live their lives simply. What is happening right now is most important to Aries. Impatience is a definite vice, and innovation is a huge strength. Aries loves to start anything new, and they have trouble sitting still. They are pioneers in whatever they do, and there is a very basic quality of bravery in these people that is unmistakable! Aries generally knows what they want, and they know the quickest route to getting it. They take shortcuts if they must, but generally everything is aboveboard. Underhanded just isn't their style. Some Aries people are bold, but even the quieter ones are brave and even plucky in their own way. Independence is their birthright. Nothing gets them going more than a fresh slate, the promise of a new day, and a brand new start.
Aries enjoys a challenge, and Aries Suns are happiest when their lives are moving forward and active. There's a childlike quality to all Aries Sun people, and it's often quite charming.
She has a strong personality and an entrepreneurial spirit. She is ambitious and self-willed, stubborn, obstinate and tenacious.
Weaknesses: nervousness, impulsiveness, wastefulness, provoking nature, restlessness and changeability.
The Sun represents vitality, a sense of individuality and outward-shining creative energy.
Sun in Aries
Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, and Aries natives are the first to start - and the first to finish - whatever they set out to do. Aries is an active, energetic sign. People with Sun in Aries are direct, straightforward, and uncomplicated. They expect the same from others, and are baffled when they don't always get it.
The body comes first with Aries. Sun in Aries people are natural athletes. At the very least, their natural inclination is to use their bodies to get things done. They're not given to long, drawn-out emotional moments; nor are they big on planning ahead. Instead, they live their lives simply. What is happening right now is most important to Aries. Impatience is a definite vice, and innovation is a huge strength. Aries loves to start anything new, and they have trouble sitting still. They are pioneers in whatever they do, and there is a very basic quality of bravery in these people that is unmistakable! Aries generally knows what they want, and they know the quickest route to getting it. They take shortcuts if they must, but generally everything is aboveboard. Underhanded just isn't their style. Some Aries people are bold, but even the quieter ones are brave and even plucky in their own way. Independence is their birthright. Nothing gets them going more than a fresh slate, the promise of a new day, and a brand new start.
Aries enjoys a challenge, and Aries Suns are happiest when their lives are moving forward and active. There's a childlike quality to all Aries Sun people, and it's often quite charming.
She has a strong personality and an entrepreneurial spirit. She is ambitious and self-willed, stubborn, obstinate and tenacious.
Weaknesses: nervousness, impulsiveness, wastefulness, provoking nature, restlessness and changeability.
Aries ascendant Gemini
Talkative, fun, fanciful.
Sun in XII
You have a tendency to be introspective and need some space and seclusion in order to pull up your strength. You may avoid the spotlight, and if you do find yourself in a public role, you tend to hide your true self behind that role! Because your will is directed inwards, you need to find a path for yourself that allows you to "get away from it all" at least some of the time. Honor your need to be alone with yourself, but avoid over-identifying with your inner world to the point that you truly feel alone in a crowd. You shine when you serve others in some way. Your compassion sets you apart from others, but try to work with it rather than let your compassion work against you by reinforcing your own sense of loneliness.
488 Conjunction Sun - Venus
Social relationships are extremely important to you. You are generally charming with aneasy-going manner. It is generally quite important to you that you are personally popular, to come across in a pleasant way, and to be liked and appreciated. Sometimes, vanity is part of the package. Venus is a peace-making, harmony-loving planet, and those with Sun conjunct Venus do their best to seek peace and harmony. You are diplomatic and a veritable expert at smoothing over (and sometimes glossing over) problems. You are openhanded with others, tolerant and accepting. When expressed negatively, you can be superficial and two-faced, and you can be very much tied up with appearances--your own, and sometimes others'. You might be too agreeable, too pleasant (at the expense of honesty), and downright lazy at times. You have a fine eye for style and enjoy pleasing surroundings. You generally dress well and enjoy a certain amount of luxury. You are gracious, romantic, and sometimes romantically impulsive. You tend to rely on the power of attraction to bring people to you, rather than aggressively pursuing love interests. There is some vanity involved here--you are most attracted to people who express interest in you, or who respond well to your charms! You are not the type of person who overtly pursues people who appear to be indifferent to you. You are not competitive in the aggressive sense of the word, and you are not someone who loves a good chase. Instead, you work your charms and draw people to you. Your ability to attract others (Venus) is very much tied up with your ego (Sun). Because Venus rules all things feminine, both sexes with this aspect tend to be quite attractive.
56 Conjunction Sun - Saturn
It is easy and natural for you to accept responsibilities, to lead a rather ordered life, and to apply caution in your financial and business dealings. You rarely jump to conclusions or take uneducated risks. You have a certain amount of patience and enough self-discipline to slowly but surely achieve what you set out to do. Although somewhat undemonstrative, you are generally loyal and responsible people to those you care about. You take your time in most endeavors and generally use a step-by-step approach to most projects--but you steadily reach your goals. You are naturally trustworthy, and you don't have much patience for those who don't show respect for others, who take foolish risks, and who lead disorganized lives.
119 Sextile Sun - Uranus
It is natural for you to question tradition. You are, above all things, an individualist. You naturally rebel against that which is established. It doesn't mean that you consistently break all the rules, but you definitely do question some of the rules, especially those that simply don't make much sense. You possess a huge distaste for routine. You work best when you have some say as to when and how you get things done. You possess much self-integrity. You avoid labeling people and are most offended when others attempt to label or stereotype you.
You easily embrace new ways of doing things, you stick up for the underdog, and you express yourself in unique and inspiring ways. You don't have to try to stand out as unique--you are original, creative, and progressive without trying. You are far from pretentious. You value honesty and truth, and you avoid putting on airs. You believe in the equality of people, and easily relate to people from all walks of life. You possess an unmistakable enthusiasm about life, and generally your life is interesting because you invite unusual or adventurous experiences into your life. You are generally appreciated by others because you are open-minded, fair, and not judgmental. Nothing really seems to faze you! You take things in stride, and are rarely shocked or taken aback by human behavior.
127 Trine Sun - Pluto
You have much sexual vitality and passion. It is easy and natural for you to find a passion and pursue it, and to focus on a goal. You are not much scared of anything. You enjoy and embrace growth, especially of the psychological kind. You love a good mystery, and you are adept at solving it.You readily assign meaning to what others might consider "ordinary" events. You look for symbols, and read between the lines in most any situation. The physical vitality is generally strong, and the body is usually able to heal quickly. You are not afraid to get your hands dirty, and you are usually quick to help others--not only with mundane tasks, but also on a spiritual or psychological level. Your insight is sharp and sometimes awe-inspiring. You are perceptive and not easily rattled or surprised in life. You are not a do-gooder nor are you a law-breaker. However, you are not afraid of the "dark side" of human nature, and you will bend the rules from time to time if you feel the need to do so. You take particular pleasure in growth and life's lessons. You are not fond of superficiality, and are generally the first to spot pretense of any kind. You are passionate and can be intense. You have a hunger to experience more than just an "ordinary" life, and you can be quite ambitious. Some people with this aspect are perfectionists, demanding much from themselves and reasonable amounts of effort and honesty from others.
153 Sextile Sun - Ascendant
It is easy and natural for you to be received well by others. There is a distinct air of authority and magnanimity surrounding you. The authority you project generally doesn't offend others, generally because sincerity is sensed at the same time. Most people would describe you as natural, easy to like, and friendly. You may have a marked interest in the performing arts and/or sports and games, both as a spectator and participant. This is an especially favorable aspect to have for those who are in the public eye.
The Moon represents the emotional responses, unconscious pre-destination, and the self-image.
Moon in Libra
Moon in Libra people have a strong need for partnership. Without someone to share their lives with, they feel utterly incomplete. This is why many people with this position get involved in marriages or living-together arrangements quite young. Because this drive for harmony, peace, and sharing is so powerful, Lunar Librans are apt to do a lot of conceding. They are sympathetic and concerned for others, enjoy socializing, and revel in a good debate. Mental rapport with others is especially important to them.
Lunar Librans feel safe and secure when they are in a partnership. These are the people who seem to always need to have someone tag along with them wherever they go -- even if it is to the corner store. They find strength and reinforcement in and through others. Both men and women with this position are often quite charming. They can be very attractive to be around, and are often given to flirtatiousness. Rarely directly aggressive, these people win your heart with their gentle and refined ways.
Moon in Libra natives simply can't help but see flaws in their environment and their relationships. In fact, anything out of whack will bother them until it's fixed. Although diplomatic with acquaintances, when Moon in Libra natives argue with their long-standing partners, they rarely let up until they win. And, winning an argument is a Libran specialty--in fact, they may not even believe what they are saying, but will adopt all kinds of ideas just to get the last word. Living with Lunar Librans can sometimes feel like you are on trial, and Libra is the expert lawyer. Sometimes, though, Libra is defending you and supporting your point of view. Lunar Librans' idealistic outlook and constant striving for the best, most harmonious lifestyle can lead to much discontent. Looking for that one (elusive) perfect way to lead their lives can detract from enjoyment of the moment.
Short description:
She is sociable and popular. Has good judgement, she is intelligent and reasonable. Likes social pleasures.
Weaknesses: instability in loving relationships, unfaithfulness, gives too much weight to the views of others and to public opinion.
Moon in VI
Is not always a natural leader, but succeeds in being the right-hand of an important person. In most cases, she is an employee, worker etc. usually by choice. She likes the country, respects Nature and likes animals.
You have an emotional need to be useful, to work productively, to be organized and on top of things, and to lead a healthy life. If these matters are chaotic in your life, it's a symptom of emotional unrest. You need a lot of variety on the job--to be stimulated and engaged in order to feel happy. Some of you might seem to change jobs often, forever in search of the "perfect fit" job. Acceptance that any job requires some level of routine is hard for you. You are very sensitive, and especially aware of minor health annoyances or body aches and pains. Some of you have hypochondriac symptoms. Some attempt to get out of things they don't want to do by emphasizing health problems or even exaggerate illnesses in order to gain sympathy. At your best, however, you're a person who always helps out and shows your affection for others in practical ways in order to help them solve problems and improve their lives.
-288 Opposition Moon - Mercury
There is a conflict here between the head and the heart. Your emotions tell you one thing and your mind tells you something else. The result is a see-saw effect: you can be emotional to the point of irrationality at one moment, and logical the next. How to blend the head and the heart is a constant struggle for you, usually because you have a tendency to resist blending them! You love to chat, enjoy story-telling and writing/poetry, sometimes enjoy bending the truth, and you possess a sparkling wit! You are animated when you speak, and have a sense of humor that others appreciate simply because it's very imaginative. You may be especially adept at satire. People can usually read your mood by how much you're talking. When nervous or excitable, you talk up a storm. Moodiness is a characteristic, definitely, and an especially subjective nature makes you prone to hypersensitivity. It usually has to do with the fact that you take in so very much from your environment. This is also one of the reasons why you tend to be indecisive. You may swing between irrational and rational thoughts and feelings. It's pretty much something that takes place "upstairs" in the mind, although others are sure to see the struggle from time to time. You are always interesting, and usually funny. You have a tendency to misrepresent yourself with what you say from time to time, but you're a charming, if a little kooky, friend.
93 Trine Moon - Jupiter
She is generally pleasantly composed, due to an inner sense of harmony and emotional balance. She is optimistic--and realistically so, most of the time--which contributes to her overall "luck". She is able to get a real perspective on emotional matters that not only benefits her outlook, she is able to offer support to others when needed. Broad-mindedness is a wonderful characteristic. Quick to find humor in situations, she is generally warm and fun to be around. Deep down, she believes in the basic goodness of people and of life in general, and this basic and natural attitude helps her to attract positive circumstances and to make good connections. One of her best qualities is tolerance. Usually, she doesn't take life too seriously in the sense that she believes in having a bit of fun. her hunches are more often than not bang-on.
She is frank, honest, optimistic and generous. She likes good cooking, her comforts. Her friendships are sincere. She is a worker and knows how to surround herself with the right people: She is appreciated at work.
-30 Opposition Moon - Saturn
When Moon is in hard aspect to Saturn in the natal chart, natives need to learn to trust others more. Fear keeps them from fully enjoying personal relationships, and fear is behind the occasional rigidity that they express. When they let themselves receive nurture or care from others, an inner voice cautions them that it might not be sincere, long-lasting, or enough! There can be some reluctance about becoming a parent, but once taken on, these people don't take their responsibility lightly.
Emotional reticence is the main theme of these aspects. Many people with this aspect had a lot of conditions placed on the love they received in early childhood. They tend to expect the same later in life. With hard Saturn aspects, individuals are often plagued with doubts, not only about the self but about what to expect from life itself. The problem is that expecting difficulties or negative situations creates an aura around them that perpetuates the problem. They must work hard at positive thinking and expecting more from life. Ironically, many people with hard Saturn aspects can be quite sarcastic, skeptical, and rigid in manner. This is essentially a defense mechanism designed to protect themselves from harshness in the world.
It is extremely likely that they feel neglected because they perceive it in the first place, and later expect it, to be the case. There's a vicious circle going on here that can only be broken when the patterns created by negative conditioning are broken. Adjusting one's perceptions and expectations is the key to breaking out of these negative patterns. Otherwise, natives of hard Moon-Saturn aspects will live life feeling left out--attracting circumstances that perpetuate a feeling of deep unhappiness and dissatisfaction.
Short description: She has changeable moods, a reserved character, is stubborn and lacks assurance. Her relationship with her mother may have been difficult, she has may have had considerable family problems. This is the standard aspect for children who are abandoned or who lacked maternal love.
-20 Square Moon - Midheaven
She has an irresolute nature, with sudden changes of humor. She is unstable and does not follow through on her own objectives. This instability shows itself not only in professional life but also in love life and friendships.
Mercury represents communication, Cartesian and logical spirit.
Mercury in Aries
She makes quick decisions, streamlines learning, is direct and straightforward in speech, possesses an innocent charm, and can easily motivate others with her enthusiasm. Loves a heated dispute. Lively mind which quickly understands a given situation. She is very resourceful and capable. Prefers to jump into a decision and doesn't have much patience with pretense.
Mercury in XII
She has difficulty expressing herself, especially when young. Does not talk much, she does not speak for the sake of it. She works in remote and quiet places. She is discrete and philosophical.
You are not very quick to speak or communicate, especially in childhood, as you need to develop trust in your own abilities to express yourself. You make an excellent confidante--you are very discreet and secrets go into the vault. You might make matters too complex by overanalyzing motives or hunches, and then have problems acting on your intuition as a result. You are very attracted to symbols, sentiment, imagery, and paradoxes. You prefer not to focus on facts and learn best when ideas are presented visually, emotionally, or imaginatively. Learning to communicate clearly is a challenge for you, but one that might put an end to feelings of guilt, of being misunderstood, and to attracting unpleasant situations or duplicitous people into your experience.
40 Conjunction Mercury - Saturn
-36 Square Mercury - Midheaven
She has no specific aim in life. She frequently changes jobs, is unstable but likes change, which gives her the feeling of living intensely. Lots of activity as far as love is concerned - she has a full sex life.
Venus represents an interest for emotions and values, exchange and sharing with others.
Venus in Aries
Venus in Aries people flirt by being up-front, direct, and even daring. They try to win you over by expressing how enterprising and independent they are. Their style of expressing love can be maddeningly "me"-centered, but the right person for them will find this approach charming. People get turned on by Venus in Aries' aura of innocent charm, even when they are being childish and impatient. Venus in Aries men and women behave in a childlike, fun-loving manner in love. They are turned on by energy and activity. Turn-offs include a relationship that is considered stuffy or too "mature", vagueness, and beating around the bush. In love, Venus in Aries people are hopelessly addicted to the conquest. In order for a relationship to remain fresh and new for them, they require plenty of stimulation.
Pleasing Venus in Aries involves fueling their need for action. Be direct, open, and honest with them -- they won't much like game-playing or evasiveness, unless it is in the complete spirit of fun. Feed their need for spontaneity, and appreciate their playfulness. Understand their desire for the relationship to remain young and fresh. Aries likes to take the lead in love (even if their Sun Sign is gentle Pisces) -- let them, at least most of the time. Indulge them their many whims, and understand that they thrive on competition, even when they're competing with you!
Short description:
Wants to take the lead in love, loves the conquest, can be a spendthrift with money, is given to making impulsive purchases, likes to keep things exciting in love. Very ardent. Spontaneous and charming in her direct and straightforward approach in love.
Venus in XII
She is devoted to sick or impoverished people. Can be in the medical or social professions. She likes animals, tranquility, peace and solitude. She may have secret love affairs.
You are big on romance and you tend to live and breathe your partner once you're hooked. Not the best at defining your boundaries -- where your needs and your partner's needs separate -- you can get hurt in love rather easily. You can also feel used quite readily. You are attracted to people from all walks of life, finding a partner who has an unusual background or quirky personality most attractive. Partners who mistake your compassion for weakness can take advantage of you. Being openly affectionate and trusting often doesn't seem safe to you. You may feel your love won't be appreciated or reciprocated. You may get involved in secret love affairs or fall in love with a person who is quite unavailable to you at different points in your life. Love and sacrifice often seem to go hand in hand for you - having to give something up to be with the one you love, or having to relinquish some person or some aspect of an important love relationship. You value a certain amount of self-sacrifice and a giving attitude in a partner, as you embody these traits. You can be quite mysterious to others, even if you don't mean to be, because your romantic needs are kept hidden. Although you are quite naturally drawn to relationships that are unusual, secret, challenging, and unequal, do take the time to examine why this may be the case. Be certain that you are not, in some way, punishing yourself because you don't feel worthy of an equal and public relationship. Because Venus represents attraction, and the twelfth house is associated with the feet, your feet may be especially attractive and/or erogenous zones!
-3 Opposition Venus - Mars
While she is passionate, she likes carnal desires and voluptuousness above all. She may go to excess and is often unsatisfied.
Whether it's an infatuation or a full-blown love affair, relationships get you out of bed in the morning. You are passionate and seem to need an active romantic and sexual life to drive you. Often, this area of life is somewhat challenging, especially in youth. As much as you want to be involved in a passionate affair, your timing can be off and/or it's difficult to find a relationship that mirrors your strong desires and expectations. Especially when you are young, there can be a real awkwardness with your social skills--this may or may not be apparent to others.
You are highly creative and generally are driven to express that creativity. Your passion for romance is often channeled into your creative output. For example, challenges in relationships may be a large part of the drive behind your poetry, music, or other art.
Love and hate are very much mixed together for you. You are prone to love-hate relationships with others, likely because your passions are such that the old saying "there's a fine line between love and hate" rings especially true for you. Some level of competitiveness, anger, frustration, or angst is present in your romantic relationships. Although you are quick to anger, you are generally just as quick to forget about it.
46 Conjunction Venus - Saturn
She has a good grasp of reality and of duty. She is thrifty, reserved and does not show off. She likes truth and justice. In love, her sentiments are sincere and deep, she never plays false. She is, of course, faithful in love and friendship. She can love a much older person and appreciates her intelligence and good sense.
33 Sextile Venus - Neptune
Her professional life is unstable. She has a taste for the Arts, is a dreamer, is easily influenced and romantic. She is emotional and very sensitive.
Romantic, creative, gentle, and adaptable, you naturally express the finer qualities of mysterious and dreamy Neptune in your love relationships. Your imagination is rich and your fantasy world well-developed. You are turned off by rudeness and crudeness, and are drawn to beauty in its many forms. You are very giving and generous, but may be a little on the submissive side, or sometimes downright lazy, failing to take the initiative when situations call for it.
35 Trine Venus - Pluto
Her emotional and sex life is powerful and rich. She lives out truly passionate love affairs.
87 Sextile Venus - Ascendant
She likes everything beautiful, the Arts, balance and harmony. She is amiable and sociable. She likes entertainment and has a loving nature.
Mars represents the desire for action and physical energy.
Mars in Virgo
These productive and busy people are goal-oriented, practical people. Although they can be a little scattered at times, simply because they are doing so many things at any give time, Mars in Virgo natives get things done--quite well! They have a knack for handling a wide variety of tasks at once, and a tendency to take on perhaps too much at the same time. Most Mars in Virgo natives are not particularly aggressive by nature. Although they can be a little hard-nosed and critical at times, they rarely resort to pushing others around. Still, an annoyed Mars in Virgo native can be difficult to be around! Arouse their anger and they turn into complaining, over-critical nags. Generally, these natives don't make themselves nuisances, so this stage is unlikely to last for very long. It is a sensitive position, however. It doesn't take much to make these people nervous.
Mars in Virgo people are quite protective about their "system" for getting things done. Although rather humble in a general life sense, they can be quite particular about their methods--how they organize and accomplish their goals, mostly with work. Theirs is a nervous energy. Although they have some staying power, they can be restless and are not given to sticking with the same projects for too long. These natives derive plenty of energy and life force from the things they do--their work, hobbies, and any kind of projects they take on. An idle Mars in Virgo native is a sorry sight, indeed. Fidgety, nervous, worried...all of these things are a sure sign that Mars in Virgo people have either too little to do, or far too much on their plates. There is a perfectionist at the heart of all people with this position. They'll be the first to deny this, but it's there! They worry when they are not producing anything, and they worry about whether what they've produced will measure up.
An earthy and sometimes nervous sexuality generally characterizes people with this position of Mars. In a sense, their performance in bed is similar to their work. These people want to be good at what they do. They will generally be open to experimentation, if only to feed their curiosity and to feel savvy. There's often a shy and humble side to Mars in Virgo in any area that involves putting themselves out there and letting go (areas ruled by Mars). But experience and knowledge are important to these natives, and this drive generally wins over their natural reticence.
Mars in VI
She works with great pleasure and flat out but meets with problems at work, where professional rivalry blocks her ideas and enjoyment.
You tend to work hard, sometimes to the point of exhaustion! You put a lot of energy into your work, and would do best working for yourself or for someone else but independently, as you can quickly become impatient if other members of a team are not working as fast as you. You are also easily upset with procrastination. You can be very skilled at organizing and re-organizing, sorting, classifying, and analyzing. You put a lot of energy into any job you do, and you can easily become riled up or defensive if someone criticizes or intrudes upon the work that you do.
21 Trine Mars - Neptune
Her feelings are dominated by wisdom and geared towards the ideal. She likes water, sea voyages. She likes odd people.
41 Trine Mars - Midheaven
She has a good sense of organization. She knows how to take the necessary decisions rapidly, is independent and uses all her energy to succeed socially.
Jupiter represents expansion and grace.
Jupiter in Aquarius
She attracts the most good fortune when she is tolerant and fair, inventive, impartial, and cooperative. Values people and personal freedom most. Wants to show unique perspective or skills. Open to new methods and progress. Great tolerance and humanitarianism.
Jupiter in XI
She is cooperative, organizes everyone. She climbs the social ladder thanks to help from friends and acquaintances who are chosen, not for their qualities, but for the advantages they can bring. She achieves her objectives.
189 Conjunction Jupiter - Uranus
She knows what's going on at a glance. She thirsts after knowledge, and is a good organizer. She is very independent, likes her freedom of action, is a non-conformist. She is very agreeable company and is always in demand.
Saturn represents contraction and effort.
Saturn in Aries
Self-consciousness can be a problem. Must learn to develop self-confidence. Is bothered by a "me-first" attitude in others, but must learn that "me-first" is sometimes necessary, in moderation.
Saturn in XII
She likes quiet and solitude above everything. She looks for work (or can work) alone, without being bothered. She hates chatting, outside noises.
57 Sextile Saturn - Uranus
She knows how to be on top of the situation. She perseveres, is determined but ingenious and original. She is very practical. She proceeds slowly, but is always bound to achieve her objectives in the end.
12 Trine Saturn - Pluto
She perseveres, achieves her projects through hard work.
Uranus represents individual liberty, egoistic liberty.
Uranus in Aquarius
Gets over-excited at the start of a task that interests her. Her debonair personality gives others a banal impression.
Uranus in X
She must have an independent career, with no routine, which satisfies her need to move around, travel and which must in particular have an element of risk attached. She is eccentric.
56 Conjunction Uranus - Neptune
55 Sextile Uranus - Pluto
She fights to improve her daily life, she is persevering.
18 Trine Uranus - Ascendant
She is always changing, is unstable. She is ready to innovate, to change everything. She is inventive.
Neptune represents transcendental liberty, non-egoistic liberty.
Neptune in Capricorn
She is discerning, wise and sensible.
Neptune in X
She is a very idealistic person, and wants to see her ideals, hopes, and dreams made concrete and real in the everyday world. She is driven to put ideals into action.She has great ambition, which sometimes obsesses her. She always wants to check work already done, she is terrified of being less than perfect.
11 Trine Neptune - Ascendant
She has strange relationships. She is easily influenced, very sensitive and emotional.
13 Conjunction Neptune - Midheaven
Her plans lack realism and are therefore often unattainable.
Pluto represents transformations, mutations and elimination.
Pluto in Sagittarius
Great aspirations: sexuality and love are idealized.
-14 Opposition Pluto - Ascendant
She imposes her will by force, violence.
House I is the area of self identity. The ascendant is a symbol of how one acts in life. It is the image of the personality as seen by others, and the attitude that one has towards life.
Aries ascendant Gemini
Talkative, fun, fanciful.
Ascendant in Gemini
Those born with Gemini rising see the world as a place to learn. They are curious about the people around them. Sounds similar to Sagittarius rising? Well it is, but there are some important differences. While Sagittarius seeks to expand their mental and physical horizons in a broad sense, Gemini is mostly interested in moving about in their social circles. These are people who love to ask questions, to move around freely, and to mingle. Definitely restless and often quick in physical expression, natives of the Gemini Ascendant exude an air of impatience even if they don't mean it. In fact, there is a cleverness to Gemini Ascendants that can intimidate some, especially sensitive folk. Their facility with words can be a wonderful asset, although sometimes Gemini rising individuals identify too much with their mental agility and forget, in their personal interactions and communications, to nurture the people around them. A certain lack of warmth in presentation can be the result, and although this style is generally a facade, it is not immediately apparent to most. People with, for example, predominant Water signs may feel a little ill at ease with Gemini rising people (that is, before they get to know them more personally), while strong Air types more fully appreciate the fun and cleverness of these individuals.
I have found two styles of presentation most common with Gemini rising people. One style is bubbly, changeable, talkative, and a little quirky. These natives are interesting and fun. They constantly explain things, whether it's their own behavior and opinion or those of the world around them. Another distinct "style" is a rather cool and intellectual demeanor. These natives are often quite witty and clever, but they present themselves in a less cheerful and changeable way than the first group. Their observations are sharp and the overall manner is a tad brusque. No matter the style, Gemini rising natives are given to analysis and making sense of their world. Their powers of observation are well-developed, they are mentally active (more often than not, their minds are racing!), and they almost always have something bright or witty to say. It is easy for individuals with this position to get sidetracked, as their curiosity is large, their minds are quick, and their attention spans rather short! As children, natives born with a Gemini Ascendant are often labeled as the intellectual, inquisitive, and perhaps odd child. Many feel their upbringing lacked some warmth. In one-to-one relationships, Gemini rising people often seek a certain amount of personal freedom and space. They enjoy intellectual debates and exchanging ideas. Although they often demand a fair amount of freedom, they are often just as willing to give their partners room to breathe.
House II is the area of material security and values. It rules money and personal finances, sense of self-worth and basic values, personal possessions.
House II in Gemini
Financial success will be acquired thanks to various activities, frequent changes, be it of the activity or the workplace. she is required to use her wits to amass money, which is not always easy.
House III is the area of social and intellectual learning.
House III in Cancer
Any travel that she does will only be to visit family or friends . Family and dear ones are very important to her, they can always count on her in times of difficulty or trouble. Nostalgia is strong. Cautious in communications. She usually thinks before speaking.
House IV is the area of home, family, roots, and deep emotions/sense of self-worth.
House IV in Cancer
Reveres family life, children have a large place in her heart. Sheis by nature calm, affectionate, delicate and tender. Values peace and calm in the home. Is nostalgic and collects things of sentimental value.
Reveres family life, children have a large place in her heart. Sheis by nature calm, affectionate, delicate and tender. Values peace and calm in the home. Is nostalgic and collects things of sentimental value.
House V is the area of creative self-expression, romance, entertainment, children, and gambling.
House V in Leo
Can only love an honest, upright and intelligent person. Likes to admire her spouse. A sincere, stable and faithful love. Refined education.
House VI is the area of learning by material transaction.
House VI in Virgo
Jobs in the medical or paramedic fields suit her the best. Weak point: the nerves and intestines.
House VII is the area of one-to-one relationships such as marriage and partnership, and of social and intellectual action.
House VII in Sagittarius
Either marriage with a foreigner, or a marriage abroad, or marriage with a foreigner abroad.
House VIII is the area of emotional security and of security of the soul.
House VIII in Sagittarius
Death will certainly be in a foreign land or on a journey abroad. Nevertheless this will happen after a long life, when the body is too exhausted to continue. Easy death.
House IX is the area of learning that shapes the identity.
House IX in Capricorn
Respects the religion in which she was brought up as a child, still holds this belief.
Likes justice and loyalty.
House X is the area of material action. The Mid-heaven represents the work one will do in his life, the place one will take in the world of society. It becomes more important as one grows older
House X in Capricorn
Someone who is completely trusted at work. Respectable, irreproachable in her work and moral qualities, scrupulous and praiseworthy.
House XI is the area of search for social and intellectual security.
House XI in Aquarius
Likes to re-make the world with her friends. These discussions can last the whole night and, with the ideal world created, she can retire to bed.
House XII is the area of education and of emotion.
House XII in Pisces
Contradictions, torments and harassments.
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2318
date: 2014-05-20 time: 23:19:03
time: 23:19:03someone asked me to describe home and i almost said your name but i stayed quiet instead. people expect you to say a damn place but i felt more home in your two arms than i ever have in my own house.
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1718
date: 2014-05-20 time: 17:18:12
time: 17:18:12when i’m older and i have my shit together i can’t wait to decorate my house or apartment for christmas like even though i’ll probably live alone im excited to listen to christmas cds and hang up lights and drink tea and set up a mini fiberoptic tree in my window and spray pine tree febreze and take a bath with a santa hat on i love being by myself
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1714
date: 2014-05-20 time: 17:14:59
time: 17:14:59ICE CREAM FUCKING ICE CREAM GOD JUST PUT ICE CREAM ALL OVER MY BODY FILL MY FUCKING CASKET AND GRAVE WITH ICE CREAM BURY ME IN ICE CREAM I WOULD LIVE IN THE FUCKING ARCTIC IF I COULD HAVE A HOUSE MADE OF ICE CREAM BUT THEN I’D BE HOMELESS CAUSE I’D EAT IT ALL IIIIIIIIIICEEEEEEEEEEEE CCCRRRRREEEEEEEAAAAAMMMMMMM
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1713
date: 2014-05-20 time: 17:13:59
time: 17:13:59can i major in classical art: tiny dicks????? i am very interested in why dicks were painted so small. someone explain this to me. i'm totally serious like were they actually that small or were the models cold or was it kind of like modesty shrinkage by the artist so when audiences would look at their work they respond like “wow what a beautiful realistic rendering of a male figure” and not like ”WOW THATS A MONSTER COCK HOW EVEN” ?????? i just have so many questions.
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1646
date: 2014-05-20 time: 16:46:56
time: 16:46:56there are so many beautiful things in the world but there are also so many dark and depressing and sad things in the world and a lot of the time those sad and dark things overshadow the real beauty in life but dont let that happen. keep searching. find those true beauties in life. find things and people and music that make you happy and surround yourself with those things. the world may try to bring you down. don't let it.
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1642
date: 2014-05-20 time: 16:42:34
time: 16:42:34remember there is a spider that can spin a web thick enough to stop a train, and scientists have figured out how to record our dreams so we can re-watch them. you probably have a couple of mongolian war lord atoms in you and a hummingbird can recall every single flower it has visited. there is so much to know and find out if we keep on living. you can do it friends :)
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2104
date: 2014-05-09 time: 21:04:45
time: 21:04:45i'm scared of having to buy my own home and pay taxes and do grocery shopping and vote for the new president and get married and have kids and get a doorbell and upholstery and sensible footwear and i'll never know how to make coffee or cook steak or separate my lights from my darks and i don't know how to clean ovens or file expense reports or apply for jobs and i don't know how to do anything, it just feels like i don't know how to do anything
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A Letter To No One In Particular
date: 2014-04-22 time: 19:24:25
time: 19:24:25Hi. I miss you, a little. No, actually I kind of miss you more than I intended to. I keep thinking that maybe, just maybe you are missing me too. I don't know what's going on between us and I don't know what you are thinking. I wish I did. It would make things a little easier for me. I would know whether to stay or to leave. Because I know it's my place to go but I still hope you'll ask me to stay. I'm not sure if this is considered a fall out but this silence is killing me. And what's worse is not knowing why we stopped speaking in the first place.
Remember when I told you I wasn't very good with words, especially in real life? Like I didn't know how to express myself to you because it was just all kinds of nerve wrecking to me. So I thought if I write a letter, it'd be better because at least then, I can get some things off my chest regardless if you read it or not. A part of me hopes you'll read this, a part of me hopes you won't.
I've been spending all of last week wondering what made you stop talking to me. Like, was it something I said or something I did? Or was it just because you are no longer interested? I know feelings change, I get it; but don't you think it's only fair that you'd let me know you didn't want to see me anymore? I've been lying in bed every night, wondering what the hell changed and I can't seem to figure it out. I have come up with so many theories and excuses but I just can't find the one that seems to justify my quench of curiosity.
I cried one night, or two but I don't want to tell you the details in this letter. Because I'm not sure you deserve to know.
It literally kills me that I feel this way because I never meant to like you this much in the first place, and I never thought that you would just cut me off either. I don't know what hurts more, not knowing or you leaving. I am just confused as to, why all of a sudden? I keep asking myself the same questions, over and over again and all I can do is replay scenarios in my head and trying to pick up if something had gone wrong. Maybe this is all in my head, but you cannot deny that something has definitely changed in the atmosphere.
You say you're busy with school and work, and I get it. I really do. But how can someone be that busy to not even try? I've had my fair share of hearing excuses and I know one when I hear one. Being busy is what people tell other people when they are over them, when they no longer want to see them. So I get it. I know what you are trying to say. Yet, there's a teeny tiny part of me that hopes I'm wrong. Maybe I'm wrong and you really don't mean it that way. Maybe I am overreacting. Maybe I am just going insane. Just maybe, I am wrong.
But today I saw you. And I'm pretty sure you saw me too. And I was hoping maybe you'd stop me and say "Hi, I've missed you" or even, "Hello, how are you?" but you didn't. You never even said "hey": We just walked past each other. That really hurt. I literally felt the atoms in my body close up and my heart, physically ached. My best friend asked if you texted me after and I told her I didn't check my phone but probably not. I didn't check my phone because I didn't want to know. I was trying to give you some time to make a decision. I was hoping that maybe, just maybe you would have texted because you still cared. But you didn't, and that hurt even more. Are we not going to even say hello anymore? That's almost like murder.
I told my friends that I was out of tears. I lied.
I've been thinking about this so much and there is so much on my mind that I don't even remember all that I want to say anymore. There is so much I want to say in this letter, but I can't write it all. And this letter has become so disorganized, but that's okay because that's how my mind is right now. It's a jumle of thoughts. A web of questions. I have become so distracted and vulnerable. I would lay down in bed at 12 am and not fall asleep till 3 or 4 in the morning. You asked me if I stayed up so late thinking about you, I lied and said no but the honest answer is oh God, yes. I cannot sleep because the questions haunt me. My eyelids feel heavy and I am physically tired but my brain just won't stop going. It just keeps running and I am so sick and restless.
Explanation. Closure. Will you ever give me one? If you don't like me anymore, just tell me. If you have found someone else, just tell me. If you think I'm not good enough, just tell me. But you can't hold my hands and kiss me and tell me you like me and then leave me there hanging onto nothing. You left me in the state of limbo, but I cannot figure out everything by myself. Were we nothing? I mean, if we were nothing then just tell me. I can take the truth. I hate not knowing. But don't fool me into thinking that we had something going on, just to cut me off. I told you about my past, but you made sure to repeat it. And that is not fair.
I opened up to you. How can you make me open up to you and then leave? I think back on all the things that you said. So were any of it true, or were they just lies? Sweet talking, that was your best trait and I hated it at first but it grew on me but now, I am upset at myself for believeing you. I think back on all the compliments you gave, apparently they weren't real. I just don't get why you had to choose me of all people. There are so many other girls out there, if you wanted to play games you could have picked someone else. I didn't ask for this. I didn't agree to participate. I did not sign up to get injured. But that's how it always is right?
I am mad. And I am sad. And then I am furious. And then I am hurt. I've been hurting a lot recently, not that you care but I thought I'd let you know. You really, really, hurt me.
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2356
date: 2014-03-27 time: 23:56:04
time: 23:56:04du går igenom dagarna och ler, går igenom dagarna och låter bli att vara ledsen. du somnar varje natt och tänker att det kommer ordna sig. du vaknar varje dag och tänker att våren snart är här. du låter bli att alltid klä dig i svart, börjar leta i garderoben efter färgerna. du tar upp kontakten med vännerna som glömdes bort i vintermörkret och börjar på riktigt tycka det är kul att träffa nya människor. du kan tycka att allt dåligt för med sig något gott och att optimisterna kanske har rätt ändå. du börjar tro och hoppas på bättre tider, på att livet är bra. och du tänker; snälla låt det fortsätta så.
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1808
date: 2014-03-27 time: 18:08:57
time: 18:08:57jag tänker lite på hur jobbigt det är att vänta hela tiden. vänta på buss, vänta på läskvitto, vänta på bekräftelse. jag behöver nog rätt mycket sån. behöver kanske mest av allt någon som viskar i mitt öra hur bra jag är. jag behöver veta saker. det är mycket jag inte vet men som tar min kraft om jag vill veta det. kraft har jag nog inte mycket av. kraft och ork. inte heller pengar.
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reasons to be happy
date: 2014-03-20 time: 20:16:57
time: 20:16:57dead trees still stand and so can you
you have five fingers on each hand. one day those fingers will travel from your lap to someone else's and that person will know all the bad stuff and still want to kiss you.
seasons are guaranteed when nothing else seems to be.
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0246
date: 2014-03-16 time: 02:46:08
time: 02:46:08
förstår inte hur tiden gått så fort men för tvåhundranittiofem dagar sedan köpte vi biljetter till WWA-tour i london och om åttiofyra dagar så är vi faktiskt där, i wembley, och ser på våra fem fantastiska boys. jag, i london, med cassandra. alltså hur otroligt och fullkomligt galet är inte det?? cassandra och jag träffades tack vare instagram och nu två år senare ska vi se one direction tillsammans i england?? hjärtepirret, den sprakande kärleken, lyckoruset, och värmen som jag känner för detta är större än något. FYFAN i love you one direction i love you cassandra bby
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1911
date: 2014-03-08 time: 19:10:58
time: 19:10:58hating yrself is real easy but also REAL uncool, hey dont do that, when youre like “damn im pathetic if only i had done _________, or if i only i had ______ or if only i was like ________” just stop yrself right then and fuckin there an go, YO, im not pathetic im real cool, you ever seen me in a skirt, you ever seen me read a book, you ever heard me talk excitedly abt something i love and my eyes light up forever ??? youre you and thats some dope shit, be a good friend to yrself
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This Is How We Will Say Goodbye
date: 2014-03-08 time: 19:04:39
time: 19:04:39This is how we will leave each other.
You will leave at 10:13 on platform 12, seven minutes before you have to catch your train back home. I will have knots in my hair and will be wearing the same clothes from last night, because we would have ran out of time in the morning to shower or tidy ourselves up.
I will try to tell you all the things I have kept inside of me, but my aptitude for words will be falling short. Instead, we will talk about the weather and how you hope the train won’t be filled with people on their morning commute. The unlucky vowels that I had chained together during our car ride will stay tucked away under my tongue, and will be washed down with the strongest coffee that the barista had to offer at the petrol station. I will jokingly ask him if coffee can wash down the shame of being cheated on, and he will reply that tequila works best for that.
I will leave you with the brightest smile that I can craft, parting you with the illusion that my heart isn’t breaking into a thousand pieces. I will think how the fragile pieces shine like the reflective glass in the concrete mixture on the floor. I will keep looking at them while you go through the checklist of things you need to bring. I will note how I am not on it and feel the cracks under my ribs escalate with every beating pulse. I have every right to be angry, you will say. It is as if validation can only be granted with your signed approval and charming smile. I will focus on counting the glittering particles and wait for acceptance to wash over me. I will pray that it’s on the next train coming in so that I can leave with more than what I came with.
I will leave you with the heartbreak that has folded itself inwardly with unforgiving heaviness. I will feel tiredness in every limb that begins from the chest and escalates to my toes. Even my words will seem dull and dry, and I will not know how to make them sound exciting or beautiful like they use to. Maybe that’s what you thought of when you kissed her; how her words shined so brightly in that dark bar and how her voice coated every syllable with an enthralling allure.
Looking at my words hurt my eyes, because they now exist with so much madness and disappointment that I feel like they are judging me for being such a poor host to them. All that is pouring out of my fingertips are harsh arrangements like ‘fuck’, ‘shit’, ‘betrayal’ and a couple of ‘what the fuck’ with too many ‘why the hell did you do that, you asshole’. Those are just a few examples of the words that I want to throw at you.
The ability to write delicate pretty words will be put on the back burner, because I have lost the ability to string together flowing lines on how much I loved you. I wanted to remind the world that I had never seen such bright and promising eyes like yours, but the world no longer needs to hear them. So I will follow the barista’s suggestion and begin my search for too much tequila with my roommate.
I will learn to live and let live, just like how you once whispered into my ears as we danced at your sister’s wedding in October. I will remember that it is your loss and that you are missing out on the fullness that only I can offer you.
I will leave you with open palms and my head held high to the summer sky. I will leave with grace and integrity that you lack in both virtues and morals. But most of all, I will leave you with the certainty that I will one day feel love in my ribs for another boy who will think that I am more than enough. I will leave you because I deserve better than anything you can offer, and the two other chances I gave you were twice too many.
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