23:38
date: 2013-10-29 
time: 23:39:05
time: 23:39:05I want to marry you before autumn ends, before the leaves crinkle up and fall from the trees entirely, before they ultimately disappear and the air becomes so cold that it stings our faces and turns our fingertips blue.
I am an uncertain person - uncertain of the way I form words into sentences for you, uncertain of my morning routines, uncertain of the thoughts that fill my head at one, two, and three in the morning. I am an unhappy person, a lonely person.
I have only ever been certain of one thing - and it is you.
So marry me today, tomorrow, or next week, but before autumn ends. Before winter comes. Before spring and summer come as well, to take us into the next ten years of our lives.
Life is too short to not be spending every second of my life loving you.
deep thoughts and unpopular opinions /
/ 0 comments
babies<3
19:06
date: 2013-10-28 time: 19:06:41
time: 19:06:41ten things to appreciate:
a place of secret magic where nature alone quietly renews itself
incurable enthusiasm
trampolines
huge dunes
chemise-type sundresses
the soothing winter wind in the hemlocks
remembering when leaves were raked, jumped into, or burned and not put in plastic bags or giant vacuums
cable knit
things you don't have to work at to enjoy
buttering toast generously and immediately so that the butter melts and sinks in
lists /
/ 0 comments
21:00
date: 2013-10-27 time: 21:00:37
time: 21:00:37You'd think that living at the same time would be enough.
To think that both of us breathe the same air, and wait on the same clock, and occasionally sleep away the world and our dreams overlap.
I read somewhere that if you can't sleep it's because you're awake in someone else's dream.
Maybe that's why you're always awake.
How can you sleep while you're waiting on me?
I've got so much left of you and I don't want to let it go. It would be so easy to let the wind take you, subject your lost love to the trash can, the delete button, an unforgiving flame. It could be so simple. Throw you away, sever the heartstrings, tie them up onto different things. Maybe I could tie myself to something that wouldn't make me so heavy.
And I guess it's fine that we're made up of the galaxies. That our dust lands on everyone who couldn't possibly know a damn thing. And for one second I can believe we're the sun and the universe revolves around us. And for that one second, I'm convinced it's true.
It's fine that pieces of me are still scattered across your floor, to be swept up by anonymous feet, the soles of those I never knew.
I miss you.
I miss you so much.
And I can't stop.
I want so much to protect you. To guard you against anything that wants your heart. Because when you're breaking, I'm breaking too. And it's so much harder to stitch myself up when I'm using all the thread to fix you.
I just want you to share some of it with me. And maybe we could fix each other's broken parts. Maybe halves of us could make just enough to make one that doesn't fall apart with the midwest winds.
You're my atlas, my road map, the ribbon around my finger and the chain around my neck.
You're so far away and you keep getting farther. You haven't even moved but I can't even reach you anymore.
All I want to do is know you're close.
And if I thought "I love you" would fix it, I'd say it over and over until it didn't mean anything anymore. I'd say it until my voice was gone and until I couldn't speak, and then I'd write it across everything you'd see. And when I ran out of space I'd hold you so close you'd feel it pulse right through you. And god by the time I was done you'd pull me closer and I'd feel you saying it too.
I'm so sorry
I know
Are you alright?
No,
I'm lost and
I'm lonely
without you.
And I'd tug so tight I'd break you in half and we'd fall apart together
instead of alone
at the same time, under the same stars, waiting on the same clock,
and that would be enough.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
19:15
date: 2013-10-27 time: 19:15:59
time: 19:15:59There are certain things that aren't meant to be.
Parallel lines can never cross.
Circles can never have an end.
Leaves can never continue living
once they fall down.
Maybe we're not meant to be either.
Maybe we'll never cross paths,
forever running around in circles,
wishing for someone to pick us up
when we fall.
-ak
poetry /
/ 0 comments
12:19
date: 2013-10-27 time: 12:19:14
time: 12:19:14"It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace."
- Chuck Palahniuk, Diary
words to live by /
/ 0 comments
12:16
date: 2013-10-27 time: 12:17:01
time: 12:17:01There will come a time when love is no longer enough -
where affection runs thin and words sound better in
silence. Time will instantaneously become your worst
enemy. Certain songs will make you believe that sound
can travel into and eat away the most sensitive parts of
your skin. And certain scents will make you wish you
could no longer breathe.
You'll pray that you never hear the one distinct voice
you looked forward to hearing all day, but secretly wish
for it to return, because it was always the last thing you
used to hear before you fell asleep at night.
But you will be okay in the end. It might take weeks, or
months. If your heart is stubborn enough, it may even
take a year or so.
But you will be okay, because soon enough, those songs
will lose meaning, that voice will be lost in the crowd,
sleep will come more easily, and your worst enemy [time]
will eventually become your best friend.
-ak
poetry /
/ 0 comments
11:51
date: 2013-10-27 time: 11:51:46
time: 11:51:46Perhaps my bare hands
were never meant
to caress you.
And perhaps my arms
are better suited to embrace
someone else.
But why is it that my mind
refuses to picture
another face?
And why is it that my heart
only seems to remember
your name?
-ak
poetry /
/ 0 comments
11:49
date: 2013-10-27 time: 11:49:16
time: 11:49:16Ever since I was young,
I had this unshakeable phobia
of drowning.
It must have been
the depth
& suffocation
that terrified me.
This is the only way I can think
to explain how prior to knowing you,
I never would have believed
that I would let myself fall
so deeply.
-ak
poetry /
/ 0 comments
Explicit Thoughts
date: 2013-10-26 time: 19:07:14
time: 19:07:14i'm not a writer.
i can't easily sew syllables together and weave my thoughts into words.
i often have a difficult time painting a replica
of those cloaked emotions.
but i'm trying.
believe me, i am.
i want those veiled fragments in my mind
to glide from their shelter in the back of my brain,
to hesitate at my fingertips,
and to drip down onto blank pages - because the enclosed space in my skull is too small to contain
the world that is you.
i want to dissect every part of you,
exploring your hidden sites and precious landscapes,
and to knit those parts into a duvet of poems,
inscribing the universe in your heart,
painting the planets in your eyes,
carving the stars in your laughter,
and detailing every speck of dust and bead of pearl
that compose your soul.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
23:14
date: 2013-10-25 time: 23:14:39
time: 23:14:39i didn't love a lot about you,
which scared me almost half as much as it made me feel strong.
but i loved
how every inch of you was written in a different language
and on the lucky nights i was fluent,
and
sometimes
i knew all the passwords to places you kept locked away
and on the worst nights i was lost.
and i begged you not to disappear on me again
and it fell on deaf ears, foreign words from native tongues.
i loved that your mattress was on the floor
you said it was because you were getting yourself together,
you'd get a frame for it someday
you'd settle down when your head stopped spinning,
when you were sure you were ready to stop running.
and i told you time and time again that it was okay
not to be okay
and it was alright if your bed was on the floor
as long as your heart was in my hands
i liked it
i liked you more.
i could hold your hand while i laid next to my heart. right next to the cracked hardwood floor that claimed to never break
in fine print
right on the label.
all promises are broken in due time.
the only guarantee is that
it will rain all day,
the night after you felt all dried up
you are messy and not quite put together and it's alright because i've got pieces missing too. and there is an entire language i have to learn before i can tell you what it feels like when i lose you to what you can't control.
and if you walk across my floor barefoot you can feel yourself slipping through the space between the boards.
i keep dyeing my hair and
i wish i could say it meant something poetic and beautiful but
i just like feeling new
maybe if i am darker you will feel lighter and you won't have to bolt your bed down to the floor to feel like you won't float away on me
again
show me where it hurts the most
so i can settle down
and keep the tide from rolling in
poetry /
/ 0 comments
00:47
date: 2013-10-25 time: 00:48:01
time: 00:48:01"People don't wanna be compared to the teenage girl; the teenage girl is hated, teenage girls hate themselves. If you listen to a certain kind of music, or if you express your emotions in a certain kind of way, if you self harm, you write diaries, all those kind of activities are sort of laughed at and ridiculed because they're associated with being a teenage girl. Even just things like being crippingly self conscious or overly concerned with our appearance, that's considered like a teenage girl thing and therefore its ridiculous, it's stupid, it's not relevant or legitimate, and you know, what we needed at that age was legitimisation and respect and support but all we got was dismissal and "oh you're such a teenage girl."
- Feminism, Education, and the plight of the teenage girl
words to live by /
/ 0 comments
00:43
date: 2013-10-25 time: 00:43:17
time: 00:43:17"The (500) Days of Summer attitude of "He wants you so bad" seems attractive to some women and men, especially younger ones, but I would encourage anyone who has a crush on my character to watch it again and examine how selfish he is. He develops a mildly delusional obsession over a girl onto whom he projects all these fantasies. He thinks she'll give his life meaning because he doesn't care about much else going on in his life. A lot of boys and girls think their lives will have meaning if they find a partner who wants nothing else in life but them. That's not healthy. That's falling in love with the idea of a person, not the actual person."
- Joseph Gordon-Levitt
words to live by /
/ 0 comments
00:38
date: 2013-10-25 time: 00:39:00
time: 00:39:00"You're a different human being to everybody you meet."
- Chuck Palahniuk
words to live by /
/ 0 comments
22:38
date: 2013-10-24 time: 22:38:01
time: 22:38:01it has rained
every single day
since you left
and that alone
is a poem in itself
poetry /
/ 0 comments
22:34
date: 2013-10-24 time: 22:34:00
time: 22:34:00do not fall for the boy who writes you poetry
because when he is gone, all that is left are his words
and a hole in your heart so big
no one else will be able to fill
do not trust the boy who sends you flowers
from ten thousand miles away
when he should be sending his love;
tied up tight and addressed to you
so you will not spend another night alone
when they tell you they need you
be there, but do not lose yourself
you are all you have when they need someone else
do not open up to everyone
because open books
are so much easier to close.
do not let them take your pages
learn to be okay with distance
because it will always hurt.
but understand that missing someone
means so much more than loving them
run as fast as you can
and when someone keeps up
introduce yourself
and never let them go
poetry /
/ 0 comments
21:57
date: 2013-10-24 time: 21:57:17
time: 21:57:17I wanted to kiss
the hell out of you.
Literally.
I could see your body
subtly writhing in pain.
I knew there were demons
that you so stubbornly
kept locked inside of you.
I saw how your willpower
veiled your battered soul
& somehow made you
self-destructive.
And so, I silently begged
to kiss the hell out of you,
in hopes that it just
might possibly
save you.
- ak
poetry /
/ 0 comments
21:52
date: 2013-10-24 time: 21:52:27
time: 21:52:27I want your story
written all over me.
And I want the words
spoken from your voice
all throughout
& within me.
Because it's as if
each part
of your body
tells a different story.
And if only you'll let me.
I wish to read
the entire book.
- ak
poetry /
/ 0 comments
How Do You Take Your Coffee?
date: 2013-10-24 time: 21:46:58
time: 21:46:58I knew you before I met you. I knew your cheeks would be made of sunshine. I knew rays of light would spill from your lips with your every smile. I knew you.
Sometimes you look at me and you ask me what I'm thinking. I smile, and I say "Nothing." Truly, though, it is something. It's the most beautiful something I've ever known.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
you wanted me to be your first, i wanted to be someone's last
date: 2013-10-24 time: 21:38:00
time: 21:38:00you begged me to love you.
i looked at you with twisted eyes as my mouth whispered
into your neck, "you don't want this poison."
you took five steps toward the bed and looked five steps back.
you don't want this poison.
my pockets were filled with pennies that i collected
each time you asked if it was time.
but the clock on the wall stopped ticking
and i never meant to have this much change.
the pay phone kept ringing and you kept asking.
i traced onto your back, "you don't want this poison."
because sunsets and coffee aren't enough for me.
i looked at love as a bouquet of daggers.
you looked at love with a light in your eyes, begging to feel it.
i needed a man who was already broken.
someone who already had the pieces of his heart stitched back together.
i needed a man who had lost love and was ready to try again one last time.
a girl like me would destroy you.
you don't want this poison.
a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
20:11
date: 2013-10-11 time: 20:11:00
time: 20:11:00idag har alexandras tankar varit lite för hårda och elaka mot henne så därför struntade alexandra i alla måsten och krav och kröp istället ner under täcket igen för att stanna där resten av kvällen. i den mjukaste pyjamasen i världen dessutom!!!!!!!!!!
what's life??? /
/ 0 comments
19:51
date: 2013-10-11 time: 19:51:53
time: 19:51:53blir så ledsen när jag ser tjejer vars största önskan är att bli smalare, snyggare, alltid smalare. vill bara skrika SLUTA, DU ÄR VACKER SOM DU ÄR. det är en sjuk värld vi lever i och våra kroppar och utseenden borde inte ha någon betydelse, det hela handlar bara om att pressa in kvinnor i en roll som detta jävla patriarkala samhälle har bestämt åt oss och krossa vår självkänsla så att vi varken har tid eller ork att kämpa emot. det handlar endast om kvinnors lydnad. men jag är trött på detta. jag tänker inte ändra på min kropp för någon annans skull, allra minst för ett samhälle som alltid säger åt mig att jag inte duger som jag är!! det måste få ett slut. 6 KILLAR VÅLDTOG EN TJEJ OCH GICK FRIA!!!!!! vi måste inse att vi har viktigare saker att kämpa för än ett mindre midjemått. blir så arg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
deep thoughts and unpopular opinions /
/ 0 comments
19:20
date: 2013-10-11 time: 19:20:01
time: 19:20:01things that fall
petals
teardrops
snowflakes
rain
stars
tides
eyelids
time
shadows
leaves
the sun
and I,
for you
a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
19:17
date: 2013-10-11 time: 19:17:48
time: 19:17:48i want to take the bits of you i love
and press them like flowers
between the pages of my favorite book
and i want to take all the scraps
that you dislike in yourself
and display them on my refrigerator
to show you i'm still proud
of the person you are
and the person you are becoming
but most of all, i want to spin you like a globe
and drag my finger across till it stops
to discover the pieces of you
that you've yet to reveal to anyone else
i want to wrap them up in linen
and place them in an old cigar box,
i'd tuck it away safely
in the top drawer of my bedside table,
so you know i'll never let
those pieces of you go
because when you share
hidden parts of yourself
with someone else,
you're trusting that person
to hold the secret sections
of your heart
and to love the bits
you thought
were unloveable
a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
19:12
date: 2013-10-11 time: 19:12:17
time: 19:12:17you are not a name
or a height, or a weight
or a gender
you are not an age
and you are not where you
are from
you are your favorite books
and the songs stuck in your head
you are your thoughts
and what you eat for breakfast
on saturday mornings
you are a thousand things
but everyone chooses
to see the million things
you are not
you are not
where you are from
you are
where you're going
and i'd like
to go there
too
a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
21:51
date: 2013-10-10 time: 21:51:28
time: 21:51:28And the fact that
you think so
many bad
things about
yourself
and don't see the
beauty
in you
is sad
because
you really
are the most
perfect
person i have ever
laid my eyes on
a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
21:29
date: 2013-10-10 time: 21:29:09
time: 21:29:09I bled words
Onto a page
Every single feeling
Sadness, melancholy, rage
But when I showed you
You said you didn't like to read
a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
21:27
date: 2013-10-10 time: 21:27:22
time: 21:27:22So what's new?
Not much
I still hate myself
and now I hate you, too.
a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
21:25
date: 2013-10-10 time: 21:25:11
time: 21:25:11She swings upon the playground,
Bright blue ribbons in her hair,
And the kids tell her that she's weird,
But she doesn't really care,
She goes home to her mother,
Who asks about her day,
She's happy being six years old,
Since there's always time to play,
She looks out at the playground,
From her cold and hard school chair,
And the kids all call her crazy,
And rip the ribbons from her hair,
She goes home to her mother,
But she doesn't ask about her day,
She doesn't enjoy being ten,
Because there isn't time to play,
Her new school has no playground,
And the kids have learned to swear,
They tell her she's a waste of space,
And she decides to cut her hair,
She goes home to her mother,
But she's working late instead,
She wishes she wasn't fifteen,
And that she could just be dead,
She drives to her old playground,
And sits on the swings seat,
Before she sees a bright blue ribbon,
Laying crumpled at her feet,
She'd go home to her mother,
But she no longer lives there,
Being eighteen is a lot of work,
When there's nobody who cares,
She's learnt to hate all playgrounds,
Since the sight fills her with dread,
And the voices of the children,
Come flooding back into her head,
She wishes she could go back,
To when she didn't care,
Where the only things that came untied,
Were the ribbons in her hair.
- a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
18:40
date: 2013-10-10 time: 18:40:54
time: 18:40:54From the second that you're in this world,
They tell you what is "fair",
The questions you're allowed to ask,
And the ones you wouldn't dare,
Placed on the path they've paved for you,
Life pushes you along,
Without the chance to stop and think,
If it's right where you belong,
But beyond your pathway's edges,
Is where living really starts,
A land of risks and danger,
And a land of broken hearts,
They'll tell you you should fear this land,
That there's no good there at all,
As they live their lives as they've been taught,
Behind expectation's wall,
But the best people you will ever meet,
Have wandered off their track,
Found themselves along the way,
And have no need to wander back,
So forget about life's road map,
Follow your heart at any cost,
For you'll never truly find yourself,
If you're too scared to get lost.
- a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
18:32
date: 2013-10-10 time: 18:32:17
time: 18:32:17They say practice makes perfect,
And you've always been smart,
But you've got hating yourself,
Right down to an art,
It's now just a step,
In your morning routine,
To glance in the mirror,
And not like what you see,
The voice in your head lies,
But it won't let you know,
You gave up on ignoring it,
A long time ago,
Flowers in a vase,
Keep guard by your bed,
Yet you still see their beauty,
Though their petals are dead,
If they were a person,
They'd hate themselves too,
But they would always be loved,
By someone like you,
Although your petals are wilted,
And you think no-one knows,
You're only counting your thorns,
While the world sees your rose.
- a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
21:55
date: 2013-10-09 time: 21:55:46
time: 21:55:46What if grass is greener on the other side
Because it's always raining there,
Where the ones who never fail to give,
Hardly have enough to spare,
Where the people with the broadest smiles,
Have pillows filled with tears,
And the bravest ones you've ever known,
Are crippled by their fears,
It's filled with lonely people,
But they're never seen alone,
Where those that lack real shelter,
Make you feel the most at home,
Maybe their grass looks greener,
Because they've painted on its hue,
Just remember from the other side,
Your grass looks greener too.
- a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
20:53
date: 2013-10-08 time: 20:53:38
time: 20:53:38I'm afraid of
a lot of things,
but mostly,
most sincerely,
I am afraid of
being completely
unraveled by you,
and you finding nothing
you want in here.
a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
20:51
date: 2013-10-08 time: 20:52:02
time: 20:52:02ugly ducklings
will grow up as swans
and all your scars
will fade:
make today
the moment you decide
to grow white wings
and finally be
okay.
- a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
17:48
date: 2013-10-08 time: 17:48:23
time: 17:48:23Why growing up sucks
I finally realized why it is that I’ve hated growing up so much. It’s not about the goodbye’s or the puberty or the first heartbreak and all. It’s about realizing what kind of world we live in.
As we grow up, we learn about bigotry and feminism and misogyny and homophobia and all the fucked up discrimination that goes on in the world. We start recognizing it in our everyday lives. In people that we love and care for. People that we admire.
As we grow up, we see how women are treated as objects of sexual arousal and nothing else. How little girls are overtly sexualized in the name of dress up and ‘children having fun’ even though it’s really just a means of self pleasure for pedophiles.
We learn about how people were horribly mistreated or killed just for being of a certain race or colour or following a particular religion and seeing it continue till today, many years later. We see people getting barred from air planes just because some people of the same ethnicity committed horrendous acts of terrorism and we watch, horrified, as society accepts it.
We see how men and every aspect of the male gender is glorified. How society is ruled by males no matter how much it tries to deny it. How it is natural for men to only care about sex but ‘slutty’ for women to do the same. How men expressing feelings is considered a positive trait but a woman showing a sliver of human emotion is deemed ‘hysterical’ and ‘over dramatic’.
We try to comprehend why loving someone of the same gender is deemed ‘immoral’ or even worse ‘a phase’. Why two men or two women can’t love each other with the same intensity and passion that a man and a woman do without being called names; horrendous, incomprehensible names. Why two lovers can’t have their dream wedding but instead have to do with a trip to a very unromantic room and signing some legal papers, just because they’re of the same sex.
You see, as a kid, we are raised to believe that our world is a wonderful place. A place where people dream. A place where dreams come true. A place where you can be anything you want to be, do anything you want to do.
But, as we grow up, we see our world the way it is. A horrible, misogynistic, homophobic and racist world. A world that is a born bigot in every single way possible. We see that and it shatters us. It…it destroys us. Why? Because we don’t want to live in this kind of world. I mean, how could we?
Our world is a terrible place to live in and our society as a whole realizes that and accepts that without so much as a gasp or a moment of hesitation. We live in a disgusting world and we know it. We as a people, accept it wholeheartedly.
And whenever somebody wishes for a different kind of world, in this case me, they are laughed at. They’re called naive or foolish. How screwed up is that?
Doesn’t that sadden you? Like is it really that foolish to ask for a better world to live in? I’m not asking for Utopia or perfection. Perfection shall never be achieved and I know it. I’m just asking for my world, my home, my fucking country to be a little less sexist, a little less homophobic, a little less of a bigot. Is that so unattainable? I mean, for every person that stands up and asks for a better world for them to live in, a thousand laugh.
Because the very idea of a better world is laughable. Unimaginable. Do you know how helpless that makes me feel? How sad and pathetic that makes me feel?
I am 16 years old. 16. 16 years and I’ve already given up on this world. What will 16 more do? Heck, what will the rest of my frigging life do?
I don’t hate growing up because I have to say goodbye to people. I don’t hate it because of my first heartbreak that is still to come. I hate it because my world is disintegrating right in front of me into this big pile of shit, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
And society accepts it.
deep thoughts and unpopular opinions /
/ 0 comments
17:40
date: 2013-10-08 time: 17:40:55
time: 17:40:55A bed;
where most teenagers find themselves
for 16 hours of the day,
because they'd rather be asleep than
deal with their problems
And if sleep is for the weak,
then teenagers are the weakest group
It's a drug
You close your eyes and just like that,
you're gone and reality cannot touch you
And if nothing was ever a priority,
most of us wouldn't bother waking up
/a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
17:37
date: 2013-10-08 time: 17:37:11
time: 17:37:11some are hidden by
long sleeves and baggy
sweatshirts, behind
bloodshot eyes
and stale breath
written in light graphite
on crinkled sheets
in shoeboxes,
therapy sessions
and 2am text messages
a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
12:42
date: 2013-10-08 time: 12:42:15
time: 12:42:15i know i won't be sleeping tonight
because there is a tidal wave of thoughts
crashing down on me
is it possible to drown in your mind?
-ak
poetry /
/ 0 comments
12:35
date: 2013-10-08 time: 12:35:45
time: 12:35:45did you eat today
sure I did, I ate plenty
of lonely with a side
of regret and a
sprinkling of pure
sadness and for
dinner I ate my
tears and I watched
my blood eat me
alive and suddenly
I wasn't so hungry
anymore
(a.k.)
poetry /
/ 0 comments
12:33
date: 2013-10-08 time: 12:34:05
time: 12:34:05Out
of
all
the
people
who
could
have
ripped
me
to
shreds,
why
on
Earth
did
it
have
to
be
you?
a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
09:42
date: 2013-10-08 time: 09:42:19
time: 09:42:19This weekend I watched a movie with my crush. The ending scene of the movie was that stereotypical rom-com ending with the leading man making some grand gesture and telling the girl this big, mushy speech before kissing her.
I snorted when the credits came in and my crush asked me what I found so funny. I told him, "I find the whole grand gesture thing stupid. I don't know, if it were me, I'd rather he just say, 'hey Alexandra, I fucking love you' and then kiss me."
He was silent after that, and then he stood to leave because it was late. For a moment I thought I'd said something weird and turned him off, but when we'd said our goodbyes and I'd turned to go back into the house, he grabbed my arm to pull me to him and he said, "Hey Alexandra, I fucking love you."
And then he kissed me.
I still can't get the smile off my face.
what's life??? /
/ 1 comments
09:38
date: 2013-10-08 time: 09:39:05
time: 09:39:05 if i could
i would take that smile
and inject it directly into my blood stream
my parents warned me about drugs in baggies
sold on the street
but never the ones
with teeth
and a heartbeat
A.K.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
09:36
date: 2013-10-08 time: 09:36:00
time: 09:36:00Closure
If you're going to
Leave my life
At least close the door
Behind you
Because the cold winds
Still rush through the door
And linger around my home
Leaving an eerie chill
That just reminds me of you
And of course I get curious
So from time to time
I follow the footsteps
You left behind
And each time I see you
You seem
Perfectly fine
AK
poetry /
/ 0 comments
09:33
date: 2013-10-08 time: 09:33:27
time: 09:33:27I never fully realized
what it meant to hurt
[to truly hurt]
until I wanted you
to such a great extent,
only to have no other choice
but to convince myself
that I didn't.
a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
09:31
date: 2013-10-08 time: 09:31:00
time: 09:31:00Depression isn't always
that girl that's crying
in the bathroom
or the boy that is always
wearing long sleeves.
It isn't always suicide notes
and pill bottles.
Sometimes,
it's all smiles
and good grades.
Sometimes it's the boy
that's always helpful
and the girl that you always
borrow things from.
Depression isn't always
that easy to notice.
a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
12:26
date: 2013-10-06 time: 12:26:13
time: 12:26:13They say that I'm
sad and that I should
go out and get friends,
but they don't understand
that I no longer have friends
anymore.
I can trust no one because
in the end everyone leaves.
They've been trying to tell
me to just leave the sadness
behind,
but what they don't understand
is that I just can't do that anymore
because the sadness
is the only thing that has
ever stayed with me
before.
(a.k.)
poetry /
/ 0 comments
12:23
date: 2013-10-06 time: 12:23:13
time: 12:23:13Some days,
I feel everything at once.
Other days,
I feel nothing at all.
I don't know what's worse:
Drowning beneath the waves
Or dying from the thirst.
a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
11:32
date: 2013-10-06 time: 11:32:22
time: 11:32:2212am
is the time of night for silly texts,
and when normal people say goodnight
1am
is the time of night for finishing that homework
you've been avoiding
2am
is the time of night where your demons
come out for a midnight snack
3am
is the time of night for crying,
wall staring, and longing for love
4am
is the time of night for hating yourself,
and your lack of sleep
5am
is the time of night for fitful sleep,
and scary dreams
6am
is the time for morning, fake smiles
and sleepy eyes
a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
11:28
23:43
23:42
20:29
date: 2013-10-05 time: 20:29:21
time: 20:29:21I have existed in silence
for an eternity,
a head full of thoughts
and lips sealed and locked
with a key drowning in the depths
of doubt and fear and
all the monsters that kept me awake at night.
I should have screamed
when you left
until my lungs burst and
the air flew from my body,
just like everything else
I thought I needed.
I should have told you
that I was terrified
because you set my nerves on fire
and my heart was so full of just you—
the feather curve of your lips,
the veins of your hands,
the ladder of your spine—
that I could feel it ripping in the places
I had stitched together
when my fingers were steady
and my head wasn’t an ocean
crashing and breaking against the shore.
I should have whispered
that you had stopped waking up
from feeling like a chore,
that you were a hurricane that
shook my armor into skin
and my steel bones into porcelain.
But you see, there is
a graveyard in my mouth
filled with words that
have died on my lips.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
20:26
date: 2013-10-05 time: 20:26:33
time: 20:26:33There are days
when the world
spins two seconds slower,
and I choke on the
goddamned love
that has sneaked
its way into my mouth.
I see my life in two ways—
all bright and dazzling,
carved out of my
moldy, childhood dreams,
and
static and noiseless,
suffocating me with the
tired reality of it all.
In those two seconds,
I could choose to be radiant;
I could grab your hand
like it belongs to me
or flood words from my mouth
after all the calculated silences
I could never escape from.
I could do all this and more,
but instead,
I waste my precious seconds
on counting the fingerprints
she’s left on your skin.
Tell me, sweetheart,
do you know what it’s
like to smother?
poetry /
/ 0 comments
20:23
date: 2013-10-05 time: 20:23:55
time: 20:23:55Scientists divide my body
into systems,
cardiovascular,
circulatory,
respiratory,
but when you are in my presence,
it all becomes nervous.
into systems,
cardiovascular,
circulatory,
respiratory,
but when you are in my presence,
it all becomes nervous.
a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
20:12
20:00
19:37
date: 2013-10-05 time: 19:37:35
time: 19:37:35I eat flowers
because you are what you eat
and I want to be beautiful
a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
19:36
date: 2013-10-05 time: 19:36:45
time: 19:36:45i worry (a lot)
when i think (of other girls)
about how they (shine)
sparkle and radiate beauty
and about how i could be (brighter)
(and) nothing hurts worse than thinking about
not being with (you) my love, my heart
because i know you (deserve the) best,
you are my (sun), moon and stars
-ak
poetry /
/ 0 comments
19:34
date: 2013-10-05 time: 19:34:00
time: 19:34:00i'm lonely and
you're lovely
and I just
want to be with you right now
even if you don't want to
be with me
a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
17:51
date: 2013-10-05 time: 17:51:47
time: 17:51:47One day I woke up and I changed
I no longer longed to see my friends
Or eat
Or sleep
Or live
I think if someone actually cared
They would have noticed that I was slowly dying
(AK)
poetry /
/ 0 comments
17:50
date: 2013-10-05 time: 17:50:22
time: 17:50:22mirrors
are just
glass
and you are
more
than
that.
a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
15:57
date: 2013-10-05 time: 15:57:29
time: 15:57:29they say
pain and sadness make you creative.
but i feel
empty.
(a.k.)
poetry /
/ 0 comments
15:56
date: 2013-10-05 time: 15:56:17
time: 15:56:17I no longer know
if I wish to drown myself
in love,
vodka
or the sea.
ak
poetry /
/ 0 comments
15:47
date: 2013-10-05 time: 15:47:33
time: 15:47:33My entire life
is a continuous cycle
of convincing myself
that I can survive
and then convincing myself
that I can't
a.k.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
11:50
date: 2013-10-05 time: 11:50:28
time: 11:50:28I was Raised to be a Woman
I am twelve years old.
My mother hands me a book on puberty.
She asks if I have any questions and then
leaves. I do not say anything.
I do not know where to begin.
I scan the pink laced pages, their glossy print
sliding under my fingers tells me I have nothing
to be ashamed of. I am just growing
up. But the unspoken words of a stranger
are no comfort to my changing body.
Now I am 16. All throughout my childhood
no one spoke of love, consent, or pride. It was always
secondhand facts, given by textbooks and teachers.
I learned to bleed without pain,
ignore the hormones raging inside of me,
and when a boy told me he couldn’t tell when I had my period
to take it as a compliment.
Our government has shut down arguing about whether
women have the right to birth control.
Some girls grow up believing that abstinence
and pregnancy are the only options.
Robin Thicke dressed in a suit and surrounded himself
with naked women. He pulled their hair and declared
how he knew they wanted it. They were good girls. He called it
a feminist movement.
In 8th grade US History, my teacher preached of
women’s suffrage and how far we have come.
How equal we are today.
I spent this summer in New York. I saw the women
in heels and pencil skirts, heads held high.
I wanted to feel that beautiful. Until I heard men on the street
calling for me like they owned me. What little effort it would take
for their calloused hands to reach out
and make me
pay attention. I abandoned
my dresses, my makeup.
Tried to blend in.
1 in 6 American women have been the victim of sexual assault.
Less than half of those women feel safe enough
to report it. Of those reported, three percent of the rapists
spend a day in jail.
I was raised to be a woman, but I am ready
for the definition to change. This body
I have been blessed with, deserves so much more.
It is the temple that houses the god within me.
We all have gods within us. So please,
Light the lantern by the door. Praise
in any way you know how,
dance, sing, speak. Let it shake the walls.
Tell the world you will not sit by
and watch these girls learn to carve themselves
open, the way we did, in the confusion
I am done with what the world wants me to be.
I am ready to be a woman.
poetry /
/ 0 comments
12:27
date: 2013-10-03 time: 12:27:11
time: 12:27:11the whole “u don’t have to get a degree!! fuck society do what u want!! travel the world!! dnt follow the rules!!” thing is cute n all but its really hard to travel and go to concerts and drive for hours to nowhere in particular or even find a place to live when you have a shit job that pays close to nothing because you have no degree and actually even when you have a degree and a high paying job you have no time to do anything personally fulfilling so long story short life is a meaningless waste and nothing matters :~)
deep thoughts and unpopular opinions /
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