1942
date: 2013-12-31
time: 19:42:46

i just want someone who i trust you know like idc if it’s a friend or a romantic partner or whatever i just want someone who i can trust completely and call any time and cuddle with while i watch tv or cry about my life like i just want someone i can trust trust trust trust can you ever really trust anyone or is it all a secret competition or a ‘do i like you more than you like me’ or ‘ik you like me but i don’t really like you i’m sorry’ or ‘you’re talking shit about me when i’m not around i just know it’ like i just want someone who i can love and trust ik that’s really dumb is it naive too?? will i ever have that/? am i being really really ridiculous?
deep thoughts and unpopular opinions /

1942
date: 2013-12-31
time: 19:42:03

have you ever been in love?
just once.
what was it like?
like growing flowers in my chest and
forgetting to pull out the weeds. and i learned
that you cannot kiss laughter into someone the
same way you can talk stars into their eyes. and that
love will always start like a summer
breeze, and end up leaving you feeling like the dead
of winter.
(a.k.)
poetry /

2230
date: 2013-12-10
time: 22:37:16

I hope you woke up this morning,
and even if it's hiding behind
this ice rain they call midwest winter
I want you to remember the sun is still there
and even if you forget that your heart
is pounding strong against your chest
it's still going to be there
when you lay flat in bed
and feel like you can't breathe
I want you to realize
even if I'm a hundred thousand miles away
I'd start running the second you said you were falling apart
and if you ever decide that the world has become too heavy
and you'd rather drop it on it's side and let it roll along
without you
please let me know
because although you've got the whole world
in your hands,
I'll be holding yours up.
so now I have the whole world in mine.
poetry /

whisper your spirit into me
date: 2013-12-10
time: 22:28:22

"I miss you" those are three words that are abused like "I love you". There are no words that exist which could possibly explain our separation. Time does not stand still, it drags on. It freezes my blood, it's hard to take a breath without wondering how you are breathing too. If you're looking at the stars and thinking of me because you know how I love them. If you see me in the strangers you encounter on your way to work. All I can think of is when I'll get to see you next - if my absence has somehow made you more fond of me. My heart is stuck in my throat, I don't know where you are. There is no stillness here. I let my soul slip out of my mouth when you are near. My stomach is in knots with aching for you, my limbs ache, my skin longs to be touched by yours. You are slowly becoming my home and I cannot leave. I am so in love - lips on lips, and soul on soul - I am hoping you'll whisper your spirit into me.
poetry /

2221
date: 2013-12-10
time: 22:21:52

By now, you hit me like a cigarette. An addiction, a bad habit, a mistake. I know you're killing me but I just can't hold back. You circle around my chest and tie me up in you. I need you in my lungs and against my tongue. Even if I wanted you to go, they'd have to rip you from between my fingers.
I'm so sorry I can't make it better. And I've been trying for so long and I'm so sorry that nothing I say changes which way the wind blows and who leaves you
and who stays
I'm so sorry I can't make the ones you love, love you back.
I regret that I can't fix it.
If I could make the world spin backwards, you know I would. If I could make the time stand still, if I could mend your heart so it didn't split and shatter on the floor,
I'd have blood on my hands and a hole in my chest because I'd give it all to you.
poetry /

1324
date: 2013-12-07
time: 13:24:30

when i look up at the stars i always think too much.
i think about the nuclear fusion that is the only thing that keeps them going,
the atoms that are forced together to produce the amount of energy
needed for me to be able to see them. i think about
the millions and billions and trillions of stars that i can never hope of seeing,
so i let myself be content with the ones i can, and by the time my brain
is venturing into thoughts about the universe i stop because
i can't even begin to comprehend it.
when i look at the stars,
i think of you.
i always think too much when i look at you.
you're a single star, and i can barely comprehend you.
poetry /

1320
date: 2013-12-07
time: 13:20:03

my mother always told me that i would know when i was in love;
she said it's like finally finding the right piece of the puzzle.
that instead of forcing it into place it fits perfectly and you've got the whole picture,
just how it looks on the box.
well i think i'm in love with you, and it looks nothing like that.
it's red and black and blue and the colours don't mix but they don't seem to care,
the pieces barely fit together and it looks nothing like i think it should.
it looks like unsaid words and scars and sleepless nights and this
isn't what love looks like is it?
my mother always told me love was the purest thing there is, but how can that be true
when i feel like screaming because the picture on the box is part of
my imagination.
the pieces don't fit together.
maybe i should stop trying to force them to.
poetry /

nobody wins
date: 2013-12-07
time: 10:51:05

I guess there's always
Going to be something
I'm too old to do
or
Too young to understand
poetry /

fizz
date: 2013-12-07
time: 10:50:23

I guess the thing
Is
If what you said
Wasn't true
It wouldn't sting
poetry /

1048
date: 2013-12-07
time: 10:48:01

on average the human heart beats 90 times per minute and
we take around 12-18 breaths.
did you know that bones can withstand a force up to 4000 newtons and
our brains have the capacity to hold around a million gigabytes of memory.
human anatomy is a meticulously designed structure
created and evolved by nature;
a machine for survival.
well how is it that whenever i see you my bones
don't feel like they can withstand the 10 newtons of gravity and
my heart feels like it's trying to beat the speed of light
and my breaths turn into the grasps of a drowning girl
and all my brain can think
is you.
you must be anomaly,
because nature did not plan for you to
change my whole anatomy.
poetry /

Floral
date: 2013-12-07
time: 01:11:21

I just want
To plant flowers
In places
They aren't supposed
To grow
poetry /

Thought Parade
date: 2013-12-07
time: 01:10:18

What if
I made up most of my memories
And things I think
I remember
Are just images
Pieced together by stories I've heard
Told by my family
But none of it
Actually belongs to me
poetry /

0108
date: 2013-12-07
time: 01:08:08

what to do when he leaves
1.
do not go with him,
do not let any part of you disappear
2.
realize that sometimes
memories are more important,
and burn everything that hurts
3.
he may have taken pieces,
but you still have the rest.
rebuild.
do not wait for someone to bring you what is missing.
4.
remember "if you love him, let him go" is bullshit,
but do it anyway
5.
it is going to hurt
let it burn,
but do not live in it
6.
there is a time for everything,
and a time for everything to end.
close the book and pick up a new one
7.
sleep with the doors unlocked
sleep on his side of the bed,
pretend he is coming home.
celebrate when he doesn't
8.
keep running
nothing can hurt you if it can't catch up.
9.
go ahead and cry
don't let anyone say you shouldn't be
wash him away one last time
10.
let him go
poetry /

2007
date: 2013-12-01
time: 20:07:26

i want to get very very drunk and fall asleep on a cool sidewalk next to a lawn and be woken up by 5 am sprinklers and then drink scalding unsweetened tea and watch the sun come up and drive to the beach with my friends and have my feet mummified by seaweed and sit in a restaurant with itchy salty legs and eat lots of bread and butter and then i want to pass out on bleached white sheets in a clean hotel room and watch pretty woman propped up against 6 pillows and order 14 dollar french toast in the morning and take a shower and not put on any makeup and wear the same clothes from the day before and in this process i want to forget about everything bad thats ever happened
deep thoughts and unpopular opinions /
